Alone, but not lonely

Being single is nuanced. There are moments of complete joy and there are moments of loneliness. The two go hand in hand.

It can feel like the entire world is in relationships–except you. But the reality is that there is so much love in the world that has nothing to do with romantic love. We have friendships, family relationships, pets, and support systems.

Of course, these do not always fill the void of romantic relationships, but I have found that the most fulfilling relationships in my life are my friendships and my relationship with myself.

The past year of my life has been turbulent to say the least. I graduated from college in May and moved back home to Chicago with no plan and no idea where my life was going to take me. I was filled with a profound sense of loneliness.

Like many of my peers have also learned, post-grad life is very confusing and overwhelming. It’s the first time that we are in complete control of our lives. It is very scary to not have the structure that we once had through our academic institutions. More importantly, our support systems are spread throughout the country.

But it is through this chaos and confusion, I gained trust and love within myself. Being thrown into the deep end of life headfirst has forced me to spend a lot of time with myself: Walks, meals, movies, and countless other activities. I’ve had to pick myself up from challenges and force myself to keep moving forward.

There were moments when I felt like everyone else around me had it all figured out, and I was the only one who had no idea what I was doing. I was in a race, miles behind, not able to catch up. Social media and the game of “what if?” made it even harder to be happy. I kept sitting around thinking about every choice that I made in college and where I went wrong.

Why did everyone else get a job so easily? Why did everyone else have a partner and I didn’t? Was there something wrong with me? Did I do something that prevented what I deemed as success? It was in these moments that I learned the most about myself.

It is very hard to be the ‘single friend.’ To be known in groups as the chronically single person and to sit in rooms where everyone else has someone.

But I have learned to lean into this and embrace that I am single. The truth is that being single can be fun. I have every opportunity to pursue, and every dream to chase. I can embrace just being me and enjoy my own company. I have learned to trust my gut and love myself.

More importantly, my friendships all changed. When I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I was able to become a better version of myself and create better friendships. I feel so lucky to be able to rely on the amazing people that I have met along the way. They have fulfilled me in different ways, and cheered me on while I was trying to figure out who I am.

The reality is, life is not perfect and it throws us all many challenges. Support systems change and distances grow. I am thankful for the opportunities that have come out of these challenges, especially the chance to get to know myself. I know I will not be single forever, and that one day the right person will come along.

Until then, I have learned to find joy in my relationships with my friends–and myself.

Natalie Glick is a Chicago native, and a recent graduate of Mount Holyoke College where she majored in Politics and Anthropology. She serves as Marketing Coordinator at JUF.