My bat mitzvah circa the early 90s.
One of the best things about getting older is growing more comfortable in our own skin. I remember back to my own bat mitzvah and how awkward I felt back then, in daily life, and certainly standing up in front of all those people on my big day. I wish I could whisper in that 13-year-old girl’s ear, up there on the bimah, and reassure her.
Growing up is also about learning lessons for yourself. If we could, though, wouldn’t it be nice to tell our younger selves a few pieces of wisdom? As we celebrate all things b’mitzvah this month, here are 13 things I would tell the younger me:
- Don’t worry so much about what other people think. Now, I know that’s way easier said than done, but teens and—who am I kidding?— adults too, spend a lot of time concerned about how we come off to other people. We obsess that others are judging our every move. But guess what: Everyone else is way too wrapped up in what they’re doing to pay attention to your every move.
- Explore your family tree. Listen to the stories your grandparents and parents tell you about your family. They’re your roots. Learning where you came from reflects on who you are and can offer insights as to who you will become.
- Appreciate summer break. You’re not always going to have the luxury to take three months off from the rest of the year to do something totally different.
- Default to kindness. And treat others like you’d want them to treat you.
- Eat dinner with your family. Whenever you can. Especially on Shabbat. The life and schedule of a teenager are crazy, but share a (phone-free) meal at the end of the day, or at least the week, as much as you can. It will ground you in the chaos of our daily routines.
- Don’t just go with the crowd. Wear stripes and polka dots together if you want to, and stand up for what matters to you—even if it’s not the popular thing to do.
- Be good to your siblings. If they’re anything like the little sister I was (and still am), they look up to you and want to be like you.
- Pick what interests you. Choose classes and activities you actually want to take in high school and college, as opposed to what’s going to look good on your applications and resume. You’ve got the whole rest of your life to worry about your job. Learning about stuff you’re interested in will make you a more well-rounded person—and more fun to talk to at cocktail parties.
- Mail an actual letter. My 13-year-old self didn’t know about texting or social media, but if she did, I’d still tell her to occasionally write a letter to someone and send thank
–you notes on good old-fashioned paper. Think of how exciting it is to get a letter via snail mail every once in a while.
- Remember: this too shall pass! You won’t always go to school with that bully who is super insecure, you will one day pass geometry (and perhaps use it when buying furniture), and you’re not always going to be in love with that one guy from chemistry class. I promise you, next semester, you’ll have a crush on someone else.
- Catch more flies with honey than vinegar. This Russian Jewish proverb whispered to me by my mother throughout my life— passed down from her mother and her mother’s mother—applies to everyone you encounter in life. Choose how you engage with the people in your life, both the star players and the strangers you encounter each day.
- Tell your people what they mean to you. Send them a text, or have lunch with the people you care about, and tell them why they are important to you. Or write them a letter!
- Give thanks. Take a moment every day to appreciate how lucky you are to be alive—that you have food in your belly, a warm bed to sleep in, freedom to be who you want, and loved ones who surround you.
