Enough is enough?

I’ve been thinking about the slippery meaning of the word “enough.” In both Hebrew and English, “enough” (די) can mean many things, depending on the context; Think “I’ve had enough!” and “I have enough” use almost the same words, but carry very different meanings.

The popular Pesach song Dayenu plays with these varied meanings. The word “dayenu” (דיינו) literally means “enough for us,” but in the context of the song, the meaning is conditional. “It would have been enough for us, if…” we sing. Each of the song’s 15 stanzas focuses on another subsequent step in the process of Israel’s deliverance from Egypt, the central narrative of the Pesach story. And after each step, we proclaim, if G-d had only done A but not B,”It would have been enough for us!”

However, the song contradicts itself: Each element of the Exodus would clearly not have been enough for us, and that’s why we go on to sing the next stanza. For instance, if G-d had split the sea (verse 5) but not taken us through on dry land (verse 6), then where would we be? (still in Egypt, I suppose.) Had G-d left the task of our deliverance incomplete, we might not have so much to sing about. As the novelist Howard Jacobson once wrote, Dayenu is a “please” masquerading as a “thank you.” We express gratitude, but only as a precursor to asking for more.

In life, we often fall into the same trap. We force our kids to mumble a perfunctory “thank you” when receiving a present or before enjoying a homecooked meal. We close emails with that absurd construction, “Thanks in advance!”-a way of demanding future obedience through a veil of politeness. We claim “enough,” but really, we mean “more!”

This kind of coerced sentiment does little to show appreciation to the giver, nor does it cultivate gratitude in the recipient. Is this how G-d hears us on seder night when we offer our feigned praise as we sing Dayenu? Are we really thanking G-d for all G-d has provided, or are we implicitly demanding more? Maybe it would be better to worry less about saying “thanks” and worry more about truly meaning it. A grateful person is deeply attuned to G-d’s kindness in every moment, not just during those isolated moments when we choose to express it.

Perhaps Dayenu is a subversive take on the concept expressed in Pirke Avot 4:1. “Who is rich? Those who are happy with their portion” (השמח בחלקו). The idea is not that one mustn’t ask for more. Rather, it’s OK to want more (even natural), but nevertheless we can feel genuine gratitude along the way.

Dayenu reminds us that sometimes “enough” is not really enough. But our capacity for gratefulness is boundless.

Rabbi David Chapman is the Senior Rabbi of Congregation Beth Shalom in Northbrook.