Judaism helped me find my home

It takes a certain kind of meshugenah to move thousands of miles from home for love. Especially after a few weeks of dating. But it was beshert.

I met my beloved in the sticky heat of New York City in July. I was a 30-year-old writer from London-proudly single. In fact, I wrote a book about single positivity. He was a 37-year-old attorney living in Brooklyn. We put zero expectations on our first date; presuming, as so often with online dating, that it was likely to be nothing. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There was no going back the second I saw him getting out of a cab in Chinatown. Sparks flew.

By September, we were pregnant and planning our wedding.

I had no intention of packing up my life back in London. But in the words of Nora Ephron, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

We leapt, together, into the unknown: into a new relationship, a new apartment, and a new family.

Pregnancy, especially away from friends and family, is a challenging experience. Nausea, hormones, anxiety, aches, and pains-pregnancy will throw everything your way. Add into the mix being in a new place, and it’s a recipe for a hard time.

What got me through? Judaism.

Judaism brought me home to myself, and, in turn, to a new life.

Judaism reminded me that home isn’t a physical place, but a feeling, one which you create with your own rituals and traditions. You can always come home to yourself with a mix of self-care, self-compassion, and community. It’s very liberating to know that you don’t ever have to be in one place to feel at home.

In London, I liked Judaism, but I didn’t need Judaism. I kept certain traditions out of habit, but my emotional connection to those traditions wasn’t that strong.

Being away from the life I knew strengthened my connection to Judaism. I have loved exploring a new city through a Jewish lens. My husband has been my personal tour guide to the city’s best corned beef hash and latkes, showing me his childhood through the viewpoint of deli meat and fried foods.

Judaism helped me find my people. I want to make Shabbat dinner every Friday night and go to synagogue on the holidays-something I did somewhat begrudgingly with my family before and sometimes skipped. I honored traditions here that I overlooked back in London. I’ve naturally grown more observant, as I plan the Jewish life I want for my own family. Judaism is an anchor; I’ve sought out Jewish experiences, people, and communities in order to root into the city.

Co-creating the Jewish life you want together can be a beautiful and nourishing thing. We have navigated the kind of Jewish life we want together and are creating a blueprint for the Jewish home we want to bring our child into, a blend of rituals old and new. My husband taught me about bialys, and I, in turn, made sure the house was stocked full of cheesecake for Shavuot.

So, if you’re going through a challenging time, may I make one suggestion? This Friday night, even if it’s just for you, take the time to cook something delicious from scratch. Or dust off an old recipe for your grandma’s brisket. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Light a candle. Say the prayers. Allow yourself to exist in that quiet space-where the work week is done and the weekend hasn’t yet begun. And breathe in the Jewish home that’s all around you.

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Angelica Malin is New York’s leading event emcee for AI, tech and finance conferences, and events. Angelica speaks globally on networking in the digital age, drawing on her expertise as an emcee, journalist and moderator. She’s the author of #SheMadeIt, Unattached: Essays on Singlehood, and The PR Bootcamp.