Returning from the dark: Cancer & war

The author discovered she had breast cancer in the summer of 2024 after her first mammogram.

The body of Ran Gvili, the last hostage, was recently returned home.  

Something about the day gave me a sense of peace that I didn’t realize I had been so hungry for. Like a check off the most important to do list. Like a weight off. One less thing to have to worry about and pray for. It’s been a very long 843 days since October 7th for my people, especially the last 560 of them, for me. 

In the summer of 2024, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 41 after my very first mammogram. My entire life shifted and was redefined and reshaped that fateful July. What fell into the lap of my reality changed every fiber of my being—what I would allow to enter my body, how I chose to spend my time, and the very way that I viewed the world.  

The fact that my cancer appeared during a war in Israel forced me to swing through two harrowing worlds at the same time, worlds of pain and challenge and sacrifice but also of hope and unity and faith. With a few of my closest people living in Israel, along with the amount of articles or news reports where people would refer to terrorists as a “cancer that needed to be removed,” I was able to understand the underlying parallels of the universes that we were both living through. 

A deathly infiltration had occurred in both worlds, and an understanding began to shape that life would never be the same again; this would begin a fight for survival. That the walls of protection, both physical and mental, that had seemingly been held securely in place until now had been breached and were now eradicated.  

In both worlds, it became clear that it would take a very long time, perhaps even a lifetime, if ever, to rebuild this sense of security and regain that ease of living. In both worlds, the threat would continue to loom, in an utmost exhausting way, making every single act of everyday life physically and emotionally harder. In both worlds there was pain, sleepless nights, anxiety, and fear. But in both worlds, there was also a heightened immensity of prayer, hope, and faith. In both worlds, an extremely intensely powerful whirlwind of energy was created, made up of both collective and individual prayers, thoughts, songs, and art; so dynamically potent that it held the capacity to influence life and death. And it did, right in front of our eyes. 

I know this war isn’t over, but I also know how it feels to shift the meaning of that extra Shabbat candle that had been assigned for the hostages to now become open for new meaning. I know that come April 22, when I finish my last chemotherapy treatment, I, too, will feel like I’ve come home from a dark encounter, delivered by G-d’s very visible hand. I know that we may never truly feel free from this disease, but I carry that awareness and use it to empower me to choose a life that is present and good and full and strong and loving and that my full and absolute commitment to that will carry us all through. 

Dr. Ariela Robinson, Ed.D., currently serves as the Art Director at Rochelle Zell Jewish High School. Beyond her work as an educator, she is an accomplished visual artist. Robinson lives in Evanston with her husband, three children, and two dogs.