Sounding the alarm on the state of loneliness—and how you can help

This month, we bring you the annual “love and relationships” issue, a favorite of our magazine’s staff to work on. But in this national moment, it feels tone deaf to focus solely on the joy of love and companionship when so many people are feeling disconnected. While we seem to have emerged (finally) from the abyss of the COVID crisis, we can’t seem to shake another crisis–the epidemic of loneliness–that is gripping millions of people in this country.

More than half of American adults–58%–reported feeling lonely in a 2022 study by Cigna Healthcare. While pre-pandemic research found comparable levels of loneliness, COVID–not surprisingly–deepened those feelings of isolation.

People are hardwired for connection, and ancient philosophers and psychologists alike maintain that meaningful connections are key to living a happy life. Loneliness, according to mental health professionals, is defined as the gap between the level of connectedness you want and the one you have.

We know loneliness can have a dire impact on your mental and emotional wellbeing, but did you know loneliness is bad for your physical health, too? In fact, the health risks of prolonged isolation are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, according to U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy.

Earlier this spring, Murthy issued an advisory sounding the alarm on the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in this country. In it, he outlines three primary strategies for society to boost connection in our lives, communities, and across the country. We as Jews are fortunate to have the infrastructure and tools in place to put Murthy’s suggestions into action–and support those who are feeling isolated.

Murthy’s recommendation #1: Strengthen social infrastructure to aid in the development of healthy relationships.

The Jewish community invests countless resources into strengthening our social infrastructure at every stage of life–from our JCCs to our Hillels to our senior homes.

Murthy’s recommendation #2: Create space in our lives without our devices so we can be more present with one another.

In Judaism, we carve out both space–and time–to be present with each other. Hello, Shabbat! We sanctify our time on a weekly basis by designating Shabbat as a respite from the craziness of the work week. And those who don’t keep Shabbat can pick and choose how we want to be present with one another-even for just a short while–sans phones and social media.

Murthy’s recommendation #3: Take steps in our personal lives to rebuild our connection to one another.

Connection points are baked right into Torah commandments. For instance, we require a minyan–a quorum of at least 10 people–for a prayer service. And the practice of sitting shiva–the seven-day mourning period after a close loved one has died–ensures that mourners will grieve at least some of the time in the presence of community.

Murthy’s strategies are great in theory, but only work if people practice them. I challenge every one of you reading these words to go out of your way to make others, Jewish and non-Jewish, feel less lonely: Invite someone new to your Shabbat or holiday table; visit a senior at an assisted living home; show up at your friend’s parent’s shiva; call someone (instead of texting) that you haven’t heard from in a while; check in with your friends and family, especially the ones who live alone.

I’m proud to be part of a people who place a high value on community. The desire for connection lies at the heart of our Jewish DNA: We pray together, we grieve together, and we celebrate together, too. After all, no one should go through life alone.

Do you or someone you know feel lonely and need some extra support? The JCFS Chicago Access Team is available Monday through Friday to connect you to the appropriate service, from counseling, psychological testing and assessment, early childhood development, services for people with disabilities, Jewish community programs, and more. Call 855-275-5237 or email [email protected]