Finding a path to parenthood—just like our Biblical ancestors walked

Purim has just come to a close. In the reading of the Megillah , which we have now completed, is one of the most affirming verses in the Tanakh for those of us who dreamed of becoming parents and found the journey fraught. In Esther 2:6, we hear: וַיְהִ֨י אֹמֵ֜ן אֶת־הֲדַסָּ֗ה “And Mordechai adopted Hadassah”, and later: לְקָחָ֧הּ מׇרְדֳּכַ֛י ל֖וֹ לְבַֽת ׃ “Mordechai adopted Esther as his daughter.” Our ancestors understood that families come in all shapes and sizes. Our ancestors understood that people become parents in all kinds of ways. It is we who seem to have forgotten.

So many Jewish people struggle to become parents. The journey towards building a family can be arduous and indeed excruciating. The journey can bring pain to our bodies, our hearts, and our spirits. And worst of all, in the midst of this struggle, we often feel so alone.

And yet, the normative experience for our Foremothers (Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah, and Hannah) was infertility. The Torah also describes male infertility: It is Isaac who our tradition believes was infertile. The Torah speaks of women and men who desperately prayed for children, and found the path ridden with obstacles. Some of our ancestors found alternate paths to parenthood–for example, Rachel and Leah brought children into the world through gestational carriers, Bilha and Zilpa. Family has always come to the Jewish people in myriad ways.

Building a family should be a right for all members of our community. And yet, the obstacles are many and variable–medical, personal, and, sadly, financial. Too often, economic realities get in the way. When my husband and I first dreamed of adopting a child, it was the Jewish Federation in Los Angeles that made our path possible. Through a loan we were granted, we were able to become fathers. Without that generosity, we would never have been able to begin building our family (which now includes two adopted sons, 9 and 3 years old).

I am so proud that JUF has mustered resources, support, and tireless advocacy to assist all members of the Chicago Jewish community in building their families. I have been privileged to participate in several webinars under the JUF Path to Parenthood umbrella, where participants have been offered invaluable information. I have also been honored to partner with JUF and JCFS Chicago in hosting support groups for those struggling to bring children into their lives. I’m overjoyed that JUF has partnered with the Chicago Coalition for Family Building to provide grants of up to $10,000 for fertility support and adoption. The Jewish community believes in raising and nurturing children. From the very beginning of the Torah, we are told: Pru U’rvu , Be Fruitful and Multiply. JUF is helping hopeful parents do exactly that.

For all of those who are dreaming of becoming parents, you are not alone. Your ancestors walked this same path. I walked this same path. Your Jewish community will not leave your side as you journey on the road ahead.

Rabbi D’ror Chankin-Gould is Rabbi and Interim Grodzin Director of Educational Innovation at Anshe Emet Synagogue.