Love that lasts

David and Barbara Passman on their wedding day. (Photo courtesy of David Passman)

“I spotted her across the mechitza,” recalled David Passman, 82, of Skokie, remembering when he first saw his late wife, Barbara.

Stories like Passman’s are echoed at Deerfield’s Weinberg Community for Senior Living. Some couples still walk the halls together, others are carried forward in memory, in habits, and in the language of “we” that never quite fades.

Some met by chance, others by family, and one by mistake. But nearly all of them knew, almost immediately, that something was different.

“He just grew on me,” recounted Irene Barkin, 84, about her late husband Marvin, who she met at a bowling alley. A friend of Irene’s brother, Marvin quietly worked his way into her life.

Joan, 85, and David Marcus, 88, who still live together at Weinberg, met at a hospital holiday party, both pausing in front of an Israel poster. For Alice Veit, 90, and her late husband, Irv, it began with a wrong number. A call meant for her sister turned into a conversation so compelling that, before meeting in person, they each told their parents they had found the “one.”

There’s no single way to fall in love. There is, however, a pattern to stay in love.

Through decades of marriage, a deep sense of certainty endured. Passman realized after spending four consecutive days together early on, he was no less enamored by her company. That feeling, as simple as it sounds, became the foundation for everything that followed.

Over time, that foundation was strengthened through mutual respect and compromise. These couples navigated differences in Jewish upbringing and practice: Religious and secular, kosher and not, Reform and Conservative. What mattered was not perfect alignment, but a shared commitment to building a life together. Their stories point to the important practices that sustain relationships: listening closely, being willing to compromise, understanding and accepting each other’s needs and values, and embracing new ideas.

Their advice reflects lived experience. “Listen to her” and “make the big decisions together,” emphasized Passman. He also offered a reframing of what true partnership requires: If a relationship feels like 50/50, it may already be falling short; both people should be giving more than their share, and grateful for what they receive in return.

But if the early years revealed compatibility, the later years proved something deeper. Love may be discovered in the beginning, but it’s cemented under the inevitable pressure and hardships.

When Joan Marcus was diagnosed with cancer, David stayed by her side through treatment, traveling and remaining with her during the most difficult moments. Irene Barkin remembered crying on the day she and Marvin decided to move to Illinois as his health declined. Marvin took her hand, pleaded with her not to cry, and told her, “It is a new journey for us. We will do it together and we will be fine.” It was not a grand speech, but a steady reassurance—one that defined their relationship.

For Alice Veit, the enduring memories are just as vivid: Irv’s smile, and the certainty she felt the moment she saw it. Over the years, their bond became so seamless that others often said they seemed like one person.

Through it all, every-day moments carry the most weight: A couple in their golden years walking hand in hand, still with plenty to talk about and “finishing each other’s sentences.” A familiar phrase, repeated over decades, offers comfort without needing explanation.

When asked what made their relationships work, the answers were consistent: Be kind. Work together. Listen. Care. Show up, especially when it’s difficult. “Along the way, remember to say both ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you,’” Passman emphasized.

Individually, these are simple ideas. Together, they form something more enduring: a pattern that stretches across lives, relationships, and generations.

In today’s world, where relationships often begin with a swipe, these stories offer a prescient reminder: While the ways we meet have changed, the keys to sustaining love are timeless.

Jamie Hendler is a Chicago-based CPA-turned-Marketing professional with a passion for writing. A past 36 Under 36 honoree, she channels her passion for Jewish community building as a Chicago ambassador for Trybal Gatherings and a host with Moishe House Without Walls.